is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
