You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am spending my child support on dildos
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
