I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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