last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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