After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
