Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize