My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
barbara walters just said penis...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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