It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
