I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
