Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
