idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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