Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I deserve to be covered in dicks
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
