Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
birth control should be required to get into college
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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