You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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