I wanna bring you to show and tell
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
