Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
