Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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