dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I believe in your delicious
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
