I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The beers last night were like the tears from god
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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