If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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