I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
