Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
