What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
