It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
