So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
