i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
