all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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