I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
NoShamevember. You game?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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