please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
