i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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