It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize