So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
