pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
