The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
