Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
