Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
