So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
