we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
