Already got asked if we're dating
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
