Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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