last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
