When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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