It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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