i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
