don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
