...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
