Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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