Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
