i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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