Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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