Can i not drive my cunt home
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize