Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
