Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
