I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
