you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No subtext here. People are naked.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
