Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you didnt know i had herpes?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just high enough for therapy.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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