some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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