I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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