Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
