Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize