Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
