Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
