College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
