Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize