The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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