I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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