1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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