Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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