Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
