He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
