Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
