he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
