if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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