apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
