Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
