we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
