hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
