I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
