never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
