Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
