Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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