I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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