so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
