Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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