would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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