my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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