she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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