found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize