Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
