I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
