So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
