Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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