Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
