So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
