Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
