She's JV to your varsity
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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