my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
