I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
