your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
