we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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