Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
