There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
