You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
